An Eye for an Eye
by Sage Thrasher
Summary: Reincarnation. In an anime. As a blind Uchiha. You've gotta be kidding me. [OC-Insert]
1. That Goddess is Definitely Crazy

**Chapter One: That Goddess is Definitely Crazy**

* * *

Believe it or not, waking up to the singing of a glowing lady wasn't the weirdest thing that had happened to me.

"Welcome to my domain, honored soul!" Her smile was blinding—literally blinding, as I had to squint to avoid losing my eyesight. She was beautiful, in the way a jellyfish was beautiful: alien, elegant, and definitely dangerous.

"Welcome to my domain, honored soul!" the lady repeated, somehow making six words sound like an orchestra piece.

Being the eloquent person I am, I responded, "Uh…"

"Honored soul, only the greatest are allowed to bask upon my presence. Only those who died a heroic death—"

"I fell off a ladder."

The smile froze upon her face, and I suddenly regretted interrupting her. "What was that?"

"Lady," I repeated, "I fell off a ladder."

She tilted her head. "Did you… fall off a ladder while helping someone?" Her eyes gained a dangerous glint.

Since I had no sense of self-preservation, I told her the truth. "Nope. I was trying to hang Christmas lights on my house, and I fell. Hitting my head on the pavement is the last thing I remember."

The lady stared at me. "Is that so?"

"Yeah…" I scratched the back of my head. "I think you've got the wrong gal."

Her smile returned, doubling in intensity. "Still, the powers that be must have found you worthy to grant you my audience! For my blessing, I shall send you to a universe that you know, made from stories that you have heard, and you shall be armed with foreknowledge—"

"Wait," I interrupted again. "A universe that I know. Stories. Foreknowledge." I frowned. "Do you mean… a fictional world? You're sending me to a _fictional_ world? Is that even possible?"

"So intelligent!" she squealed. "I see why you were chosen, honored soul! With your abilities, your reincarnation shall easily guide the course of events to create another narrative beyond what the fates have chosen."

I narrowed my eyes. "This is just an excuse to see me screw with the plot, huh?"

A moment passed. "Maybe," she admitted.

"Well, forget that! If I'm being reincarnated, I want to go back to my own universe. You know, the _normal_ one?"

The lady scowled. "That is not your decision. I choose your destination, and I want for you to—"

"No!" I was starting to get angry. "You can't barge into my mind, soul… whatever, and start giving me demands! You're acting like it's an honor for me to be thrown into a random world. I told you, I don't _want_ your blessings!"

She spluttered. "I am a _goddess_ , and the blessing of goddess is not one to be taken lightly! The universe I am sending you into is one that is near to my heart, one that I have watched over carefully!"

"Oh yeah?" I said, sarcasm dripping from each word. "What's this 'blessed' universe of yours called?"

The goddess crossed her arms. "You know it as the manga _Naruto_."

My mouth dropped open. For several minutes, I was unable to speak. "You have gotta be kidding me. I'm stuck with a weeaboo goddess!?" I screeched.

"How dare you impugn me with such filthy language!" The goddess's eyes turned a fiery red, promising pain and torture for anyone who crossed her path. "Continue, and I shall revoke part of my blessing!"

Thankfully, I didn't care much about blessings. "You wanna see some more filthy language?" I took a deep breath. "Well, fuck y—"

The world abruptly faded into black.

* * *

Uchiha Megumi was born screaming. The third child and only daughter of clan head Okojo, her birth was greeted with much celebration. That is, until they realized that Megumi lacked the most important quality that an Uchiha could have.

* * *

I was blind.

I was an Uchiha, and I was blind.

… maybe I shouldn't have pissed off that goddess lady.

I mean, it was bad enough that I was a baby, unable to move or talk or _do_ anything, but not being able to see, either?

Well, let's just say that I was feeling real sorry right now.

So, there I was, lying in a crib, bored out of my mind. I wasn't always conscious during my time as a baby (thank the goddess), but I was usually awake to hear the voices. There were four that I could distinguish with accuracy: Grumpy, Pretty, Sleepy, and Squeaky. They always spoke in a language I couldn't understand, which was damn annoying. I was getting better at picking out different words, though.

Right now, Pretty (who I assumed was my mother) was talking about something with Squeaky. They were mumbling about… fugu, I think. And if I remembered correctly, fugu was a type of fish. An extremely deadly one. Hopefully, they weren't trying to poison me.

I pouted as I strained to hear what the were saying. "Fu…" I gurgled, imitating Pretty's words.

The voices stopped.

"Fu…" I tried again. "Fugu. Fugugu! Fugu!"

Squeaky gasped and Pretty began to laugh. Squeaky said some words at a high speed, and I gave up in my quest to understand them. Babbling those few words had used up all my limited strength, and I quickly fell asleep.

* * *

My first two years passed in similarly boring ways. I'd wake up, try to learn a few more words of that language, and sleep. Before long, my dedication paid off, and I could speak simple sentences. And boy, was I putting my powers of language to use.

"Up," I demanded. Apparently, Squeaky was my brother, and his name was actually Fugaku. Yeah, the same Fugaku who was Itachi and Sasuke's dad. Which made me their future aunt, but I preferred not to think about that.

"No, Megumi-chan." My brother's voice was tinged with fondness and exasperation. "I gotta do my homework."

"Don't care. Up!" I hated this crib. And while I'd normally climb out myself, the presence of Fugaku meant that I wouldn't get away with it—unless he was the one to pick me up.

He laughed. "Fine, you brat. But no wandering off."

"No wandering," I agreed, lying without any hesitation.

Right after Fugaku set me next to him, I grabbed his book. Smiling at the texture, I began tearing the paper into little pieces. What else could I do? I was bored. And it wasn't like I knew how to read or write.

"Hey! I'm using that!" Fugaku yanked the book back. "I knew I shouldn't have let you out! Stupid!"

Oh. He sounded _really_ angry. Alright, maybe I shouldn't have done that.. But I could always use my secret weapon to fix the situation. "Sorry…" I whimpered. My eyes widened. My lips began to wobble. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I began to sob.

"N-No, don't cry!" I could hear the panic in his voice. "Megumi-chan, it's okay!" He shoved the book back into my hands. "You can play with the book!"

I beamed at him and began to rub my hands over the pages again. Honestly, Fugaku was my favorite person in this world. My father seemed to disapprove of me, my mother babied me too much, and my oldest brother never visited. Hell, I only knew he existed because Fugaku never shut up about him. Idai, the clan heir, was apparently the greatest prodigy since Madara himself. He was the pride and joy of the Uchiha clan.

(From what information I gleaned from the occasional visitor, I was actually the disgrace of the clan. You know, since I couldn't see. A blind Uchiha was worth as much as a wet matchbook. And I was perfectly fine with that.)

Finally, I put the book down, deciding to give my brother a break. I pressed my hands against his face and gave him an even bigger grin. "I love you, Fugaku-nii!"

I felt his smile against my hands. "I love you too, Megumi-chan."

* * *

At five years old, I could run around and make a nuisance out of myself. Even better, I could open doors and run outside. Something which I did very, very often. Sure, it terrified my mother, irritated my father, and gave Fugaku early heart attacks, but I didn't care. I had freedom, and I was going to use it.

I'd just given my babysitter the slip (which was pretty sad, considering I was non-ninja, five, and _blind_ ), and I was ready to make a break for it. Just as I dashed outside the house, I ran into a brick wall. Wait, no. On second feel, the brick wall was actually a pair of legs.

"Merumi-chan," said a low, hesitant voice. It was Sleepy—I mean, Idai, the boy wonder.

I stepped back. "It's Megumi."

The soft sound of fingers scratching reached my ear. "Ah…" Idai murmured sheepishly. "Megumi-chan."

"Megumi!" Ah, the sweet sound of screeching babysitters. "You little devil! Forget any blessing! You're a curse upon this clan!"

(Did I mention that my name meant _blessing_? Yeah, this universe had a real screwy sense of humor. Or, at least, that weeaboo goddess had a real screwed-up sense of humor.)

I made a run for it. I barely managed to step past the doorway before I felt my feet lift off the ground. I yelped and squirmed, trying to escape from the hand that held me.

"Not so fast, little sister. It sounds like someone was calling you."

"Yeah, I know," I grumbled. "I'm blind, not deaf."

An uncomfortable silence followed my statement. Which had been my intention, so… victory!

"Er, well…" he trailed off. "You're a smart kid."

"Is that news to you? You'd have known that earlier, had you actually talked to me. Are you sure we're siblings? Fugaku-nii plays with me, teaches me, and at least talks to me! You? You forgot my _name_."

Oh yeah, I was milking the guilt trip for all it was worth. I rarely saw Idai, anyway. I was going to screw with him when I could. Besides, he was still holding me by my armpits. I did _not_ like dangling in the air while he carried me to my room.

"Um." He exhaled softly and coughed. "You see—I mean, you know, that is… I'm a shinobi. That's an important job, so I'm rarely home."

"Do you even know when my birthday is?"

His footsteps stopped. Silence. I felt him set me down on my soft bed.

"Oh, Idai-sama!" gushed the babysitter. "I knew you could—"

The door to my room closed before she finished her sentence. Immediately after, I started laughing. At times like these, I really wished I could see. Man, the looks on their faces must have been priceless.

* * *

Since I'd been stuck inside this house since my second birth, I knew every hallway and room like the back of my hand. So I had no problem sneaking into my brother's room and hiding under his bed. After a few minutes, I heard his footsteps. Once he approached the bed, I burst out.

"Fugu-nii!" I screamed, deliberately using the cutesy version that he hated.

He yelped in response, and I felt something fly past my cheeks. "Don't do that, Megumi!" he shouted. I tilted my head and reached behind me. Pinned to the bed was something smooth, metal, and (ouch!) sharp.

Pulling at it, I asked innocently, "What's this?"

Fugaku sighed. With a rustle of cloth, he knelt by me. "It's a kunai. Don't scare me like that, okay?" His voice was shaking. He tried to take the kunai from me, but I just gripped it tighter.

 _Oh. Oops. My brother attempted to murder me?_ Well, in his defence, I did kinda deserve it. "Okay!" I chirped, giving him a hug. He stiffened before relaxing. Seriously, the Uchiha clan didn't do physical contact. I tried to compensate for their deficiency, but it was hard to make up for a lifetime of no-hugs. "Where are you going?" I asked.

"Idai-nii and I both have the day off, so I was going to meet him outside the clan compound." His excitement was palpable. Idai, being the clan heir, was being groomed for a position of authority. Hence his missions with the genin team. Fugaku, the second son, was apprenticed under the Military Police Force. He was (obviously) expected to lead the Military Force while Idai lead the clan. Hence, their schedules rarely aligned.

"Great! Can I come?" Hell yes, I wanted to leave the clan compound.

"W-Well," he stuttered. Fugaku's hand pressed against mine as he grabbed the kunai. This time, I let him take it. "Oh, alright."

Success! "Yes!" I screeched. "Adventure time!"

Fugaku sighed beside me. "Why do I feel like I'm going to regret this…"

* * *

The main part of Konoha was full of sounds and smells and textures that I'd never felt before. Frankly, it was overwhelming, and I loved it. Fugaku clutched my hand like a lifeline as I tried to run off in different directions.

"What's that? And that? What's that smell?" I rattled off a series of questions, taking full advantage of my status as a precocious six-year old.

"Calm down, Megumi!" snapped Fugaku. "We're almost there!"

I huffed. "Fine." I gave him my best impression of a Uchiha glare. Since I still didn't have working eyes, I wasn't sure how an Uchiha glare _looked_ like… but, considering that Fugaku gave a disturbed shudder, I think I was successful.

"Ah, Idai-nii-san!" This time, it was Fugaku's turn to pull me along. "It's good to…" he trailed off.

"Um."

"Idai, is this your little brother?" said an upbeat, unfamiliar voice. "Nice to meet you! I'm Nawaki, your brother's teammate! He talks about you a lot, you know? Oh, and who is this? What a cute little kid!"

"Calm down, Senju," drawled someone else. The voice was low but unmistakably feminine. "You'll give both of them heart attacks."

"Hey, hey, Idai! Are you going to introduce us or not!" said Nawaki again. I blinked. _Wait, that Nawaki? Like, Tsunade's little brother?_

A sigh. "Alright," said Idai. "Fugaku, these are my stupid teammates. The brown-headed brat is Senju Nawaki, the grandson of the esteemed first Hokage. The girl is Sarutobi Shorai, our current esteemed Hokage's daughter."

"You're stupid!" shouted Nawaki. "And why do you always introduce me like that? I'm Senju Nawaki, the future Hokage! I'm going to be even better than my granddad and uncle! Even better than the Third, too!" There was an awkward pause. "Uh, no offense, Shorai."

Shorai grumbled to herself. "Whatever. You're both idiots."

"What!?"

"Since my brother was too rude to introduce me," I interrupted before they could continue bickering, "I'll introduce myself. Hi, everyone! I'm Uchiha Megumi, Idai and Fugaku's little sister. It's nice to meet you!"

There was a stunned silence.

"Eh?" said Nawaki faintly. "You have a little sister, Idai? Since when? You've never mentioned her before."

"You're the blind one, right?" Shorai's question was more curious than mean-spirited. If anything, she sounded like she was testing me.

Fugaku, who had been in a state of shock this entire time, finally reacted. "Wait a minute," he growled, coming to my defense.

"That's me!" I beamed brightly. "I'm blinder than a bat! You could stick a lantern in front of my face, and I wouldn't feel a thing! Besides the heat, of course. And the sound of the fire, but that's not the point." I bowed to them. "It's an honor to meet future Hokage Senju-sama and coolest kunoichi Shorai-sama!"

There was another silence.

"Idai," sniffled Nawaki. "You have the greatest little sister in the whole world!" To my surprise, he enveloped me in a giant hug.

"Are you sure she's an Uchiha?" Shorai said suspiciously.

"Megumi-chan." Idai sounded utterly horrified. "Please, never call Nawaki that."

Fugaku made a sound that was between a whine and growl.

I cackled to myself. _Oh, this is fun._ "Is it time for lunch, now?" My words were innocent and cheerful; in other words, everything an Uchiha wasn't.

"Yeah, let's go eat!" Nawaki picked me up and placed me on his shoulders. I gripped his hair tightly and cheered.

"You're the best, Nawaki-nii! Can I call you that?"

"Of course, little Uchiha!" There was so much happiness in those four words that I almost fell off. "I've never been a big brother before. This is great!"

"Ramen," Shorai announced. "We're going to eat ramen."

Fugaku snapped back to reality. "Put her down, Senju!" he screeched. "That's my little sister you're stealing away!"

"Why am I even here?" Idai's words were said in a casual, deadpan tone. It was the voice of someone watching the world burn around them. "Why are the gods punishing me?"

I gave a satisfied smirk. _Trust me, wonderboy. You know nothing about the gods' punishments._

* * *

That night, dinner was… awkward, to say the least. Fugaku and Idai were still reeling from the team lunch, and my lovely dad was in a terrible mood. My mom was trying to make things better, but she wasn't exactly succeeding.

I, of course, was doing my best to make things worse.

"I hear that you have been successful in training, Idai." The rumbling voice of my father was terse.

"Yes, father. My team has been chosen to proctor the chuunin exams."

"Good. You must continue to excel. You cannot show any weakness to the Senju or Sarutobi on your team." Chopsticks clinked against the silverware. "Has Mitokado-dono been teaching you well?"

"Yes, father. He is an excellent teacher."

"Very well." Oddly enough, my father sounded unsatisfied.

"Is he really a great teacher?" I piped up. "Senju-nii-sama was complaining about how he compared you to the Hokage's team and Utatane-sama's team."

Chopsticks clattered against the plate—someone must have dropped them.

" _Senju-nii-sama?"_ said my dad, expressing more emotion in those two words than I'd ever heard from him before.

"Er…" Idai gave a cough. "Megumi met my teammate, Nawaki, and she was quite taken with him."

My mother gasped. "You took Megumi outside of the compound?"

"I was the one—" started Fugaku.

"Yes, I did." Idai's words were smooth and calm; there was no hint that he was lying. "I thought she might want to see the rest of the village." He hesitated. "I mean, experience the village."

"Megumi is _blind_ , Idai!" my mother scolded. "You seem to be forgetting that she is helpless!"

"And incapable of contributing to the clan as anything but a mother," rumbled good old dad. "As clan heir, you must spend your time on more worthwhile pursuits."

"I don't know." I cheerfully ate a clump of rice. "I think I'm pretty worthwhile." Everyone, as usual, ignored me.

"Okojo!" Mom sounded completely affronted.

"It is the truth. She should better become acquainted with it."

"Megumi is not useless," murmured Fugaku. Thanks, bro! My other brother was still silent, sadly. But he stood up for Fugaku, so I'd let it go.

I listened as the Uchiha main branch dissolved into the Uchiha equivalent of bickering. And all because of me. I loved this family. Really.

* * *

"Teach me how to use chakra," I demanded.

"Uh, no." Fugaku continued his ritual blade-sharpening.

"Teach me! Please!"

The rasping of metal against stone stopped. "Why?"

"Cause I want to know," I moaned. "Please? Can you unlock my chakra?"

"But you're blind," he said, honestly confused. "Why?"

"Cause it's cool, obviously. And can blind people not use chakra?"

The rhythmic sharpening continued. "I mean, they can…"

"So teach me. Pretty, pretty please? I won't hide your shuriken for a month if you teach me!" Hey, boredom does weird things to your mind.

His sharpening became slower, and I knew I'd got him. "And you can't hide my kunai, either."

"Deal!"

His weapons clattered against the table as he set them down. Then, he sat down next to me. "Alright. Unlocking chakra is really simple. All I have to do is push my chakra into your coils, and that should awaken your senses. It might hurt a little bit, but that's all."

"Let's do it!"

Fugaku pressed his warm, calloused palms against mine. "Focus on the new sensation." His hand began to heat up.

Suddenly, I felt a weird… itchiness in my own hands. The sensation grew in intensity, and then, it seemed like a million fire ants were piting the insides of my body. I whimpered. "Ow, ow, ow!" I said hoarsely, doing my best not to scream.

"Megumi? Are you alright?"

I shuddered and scratched at my palms. Thankfully, the pain was beginning to fade. "Yeah. I think so. I'm… I'm going to my room." I staggered to my feet and ran out of the room, my fingers barely brushing against the wall for guidance.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah!" I called out, increasing my speed. I just managed to make into my room. "I'm alright!"

* * *

I was not alright.

I screamed into my pillow, cursing that psycho goddess with everything I had, using both languages I knew. Who knew that chakra hurt so much? And not only was it painful, it was _distracting_. Now, you may have thought that sensing chakra was like feeling heat, or maybe it looked like little flickers of light. It might be like that for some people, but not for me.

I perceived chakra as sound. A little humming, constantly stuck in the back of your head. Like tinnitus, but a million times worse. Because there were _millions_ of humming noises in the back of my head. Each person had their own sound, and it was driving me insane.

Taking a deep breath, I clutched my pillow and cursed some more. I could get through this. I always did. Death, reincarnation, blindness…. and chakra was nothing compared to them.

 _Chakra, I'm gonna beat your ass_.

* * *

While the ass of chakra was not completely beat, I did get better at ignoring it. After a week, I had figured out how to turn off my chakra ears. When it wasn't drowning out everything else, it was pretty useful. I could figure out approximately where people were with greater accuracy. Unfortunately, during my chakra-discovery phase, I may have tipped off my parents that something was wrong.

Thankfully, my somewhat weird behavior was quickly forgotten. Why? Because the mother-trucking Hokage was paying us a visit.

"Now, Megumi-chan," reminded my mother for a millionth time, "you must be polite."

"I get it, mom! I promise I'll behave."

Beside me, Fugaku coughed, muttering something that sounded like, "Yeah, right. That's not gonna happen."

I stomped on his foot. Jerk.

Before he could retaliate, the doors opened, and in walked my father and the Hokage. Holy shit. And I thought my _dad_ had a lot of chakra. That was nothing compared to the sheer loudness of the Third Hokage. Like, damn! His five-toned chakra drowned out everyone else's. Five-tones. _Five._ The most I'd heard was three.

I must've been gaping like an idiot, because my mother pressed sharply on my back, forcing me into a bow.

"It is an honor, Hokage-sama," greeted my mother formally. "Welcome to our humble abode."

"The honor is mine, Azumi-dono. And these must be your lovely children." His voice was pleasant, in a gravely sort of way. "You are Shorai's teammate, Idai-kun, I believe."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." My oldest brother's voice was formal and polite. "Sarutobi-san and I work well together."

The Sandaime laughed softly. "I'm sure you do." His chakra grew louder as he approached. "And you are Fugaku-kun? I've heard much about your talent. I'm sure you do your village and clan proud."

Fugaku's chakra and voice certainly sounded proud. "Thank you, Hokage-sama."

Then, the full force of his chakra turned to me. I gulped, managing to turn down my chakra sense in time. Seriously, it was overwhelming!

"You must be Megumi-chan. Shorai has mentioned you before." His voice became very amused. "You are a lovely young lady."

"Thanks, Hokage-sama!" I said brightly. "I sure traumatized your daughter, huh? I don't think she'll go near that ramen stand again! Hey, can I call you Hokage-jii-sama?"

My brother made a choking sound, and I'm pretty sure the rest of my family were having mental breakdowns.

"Jii-sama," spluttered Sarutobi. "I'm not that old!"

"Oh, that's a shame. You sure sound old." I gave a pensive frown. "Well, can I call you Hokage-oji-sama instead?

"Uncle? I don't see why not." He reached down to pat my head, but I surprised him with a hug.

"Hooray! New uncle!" I shouted.

To _my_ surprise, he picked me up and reciprocated the hug. "My, you're a lively young lady as well."

"Yup," I said into his ear. "I do my best to act as un-Uchiha as possible."

The Hokage started shaking. It took me a moment to realize that he was trying very hard to suppress his laughter.

 _I liked him,_ I decided. _This is going to be the start of a very awesome friendship._

* * *

 **AN:** So. Unlike every other fanfic I've posted, this story is both humorous and in first person. In other words, it's a completely different style than what I'm used to. I'd love to hear what you think. Thanks for reading.


	2. And Thus I Become Spider-Uchiha

**Chapter Two: And Thus I Become Spider-Uchiha**

* * *

To the… ahem, _chagrin_ , of my parents, I had decided to forgo the floor pillow and sit in the Hokage's lap instead. (Don't look at me like that. I'm six. Sort of. It's a perfectly normal thing to do.) Sure, it took a while to get used to his obnoxiously loud chakra, but after a few minutes, I figured out how to dampen it.

And since Sarutobi was a really awesome guy, he didn't mind me lounging in his lap. In fact, he seemed to think it was hilarious. I idly played with his weird-ass hat, putting it on me or on him when the conversation became too boring.

I was wearing it now, because my father and the Hokage were talking about tea.

"It's a wonderful blend. Quite delicate and refreshing," complimented the Hokage.

"You are too kind," said my dad, sounding like he was eating a lemon. "You honor us too much."

"No, you are the ones who honor me." Sarutobi sipped on his cup, taking care not to jostle me too much. "I believe it is Kanezon tea, is it not? Perhaps the finest blend to come out of the Land of Tea."

"We would presume to give nothing but the finest for you, Sarutobi-sama."

I leaned back and mumbled, "This is so stupid. God, if you guys want to one-up each other with flattery, then you should at least add some music."

I wasn't sure if I'd imagined it, but I swore that the Hokage snorted at my comment.

"Megumi!" snapped my mother. "Watch your manners!"

"How can I? I'm blind." I rolled my eyes and smirked when Hiruzen chuckled softly.

"I apologize for my daughter's behavior, Hokage-sama. She is not used to formal company." If the grinding of his teeth was any indication, dear old dad seemed ready to murder me.

"No, no." The Hokage patted my head—or rather, the hat. "Your daughter is quite charming and perceptive. If anything, she reminds me of Shorai when she was a child. Though Shorai was never so vivacious."

"Perhaps," said my father stiffly. Tea sloshed as my mother refilled his cup.

"Do you plan on training Megumi-chan in the ninja arts?" The Hokage set his teacup down. "I notice that her chakra coils are active and rather developed for a child her age."

I stiffened. _Well, fuck. I should've known that he'd realize._

Silence.

"What?" My mother sounded like she was going to faint.

Fugaku shifted, and his chakra became sheepish.

"I am unsure of what you are referring to." My dad's voice was slow, careful, and tight enough to shatter.

"Ah… forgive me." The Hokage rescued his hat, grabbing it before it fell off my head. "I assumed that you did. It was my mistake."

Oh, what the hell. I might as well say something before it got too awkward. The solution, obviously, was to make things more awkward.

"Of course they don't know about it!" I piped up. "They think I'm useless. So I figured it out myself." I wasn't about to throw my brother under the bus. This way, no one would suspect him. "I've been practicing my chakra sense. I've gotten really good at hearing it!"

"You hear chakra?" asked the Hokage, masterfully ignoring the first part of my response. And my mother's affronted gasp. As well as Fugaku's low groan.

"Yeah! Yours is really loud, you know?" I wrinkled my nose. "And you have five different sounds. It's so noisy."

He paused. "What do you mean?"

"Some people have louder chakra than others," I explained. "I mean, the closer I get to people, the louder their chakra is. But even ignoring that, some people just have louder chakra. Other people have more than one sound to their chakra, too." I pointed vaguely in the direction of Idai. "He used to only have one note. But now, he has two."

I craned my neck in the direction of the Hokage's face. A least, where I thought his face was. "You know, I've never heard someone with five notes before." I patted his cheek. Uh, his nose. "You're special."

"Incredible," he murmured. The Hokage cleared his throat. "Can you hear anything else about chakra?"

I nodded. "Yeah, people's chakra change when their feelings change." I waved at my dad, trying not to laugh. "For example, my father sounds super shocked, angry, and embarrassed."

Oh my god, I was going to die. I'd broken every rule of Uchiha conduct. Actually, death was going to be the least of my troubles. Dad was going to kill me and burn me on a pyre. After that, the Uchiha clan was going to take my ashes, scatter them, and dance upon them while shouting, "The brat is dead!"

But it was totally worth it.

"Your daughter is astounding," said the Hokage, once again ignoring the undiplomatic parts of my diatribe. "Simply astounding. I've never heard of a chakra sensor like her before. From what she says, Megumi-chan can sense chakra natures, reservoirs, as well as emotions. She rivals the Uzumaki in that regard."

Okay, now that was bullshit. If the Uzumaki sensors were anything like Karin, then they were a billion times better than me. Sarutobi was probably dialing up the flattery to prevent the Uchiha coup from starting early. Honestly, I wasn't helping the long-term survival of my clan...

"You are too kind." Was someone strangling my dad? It sure sounded like it.

"Not at all." The Hokage sipped his tea. "In fact, I'd greatly appreciate if you'd allow Megumi-chan to visit sometime. Her talent should be fostered, and I would be honored if you chose me to encourage her."

My mother's chakra became agitated, while my father's chakra simply withdrew.

"I see…" My father set his cup down. "The honor would be ours."

 _It's settled then. I get to hang out with the Hokage._

I cheered. "We're going to have the best playdate ever!"

 _If the Uchiha don't kill me first, I mean._

* * *

After the Hokage took his leave, my father's demeanor changed. His chakra grumbled beneath his skin, bubbling in what seemed to a portent omen of death. My mother stood beside him, silent and neutral.

"Megumi," he said, voice softer than a pillow made of clouds, "you have been disgraceful."

I gulped and withdrew my chakra sense. "Oops?" I said weakly.

"To pay for your actions, you will…" He paused. "You will…"

That's when I realized the hilarious truth: my dad didn't know how to punish me! How could he? Dad didn't see me for more than ten minutes a day, and that's when he had to. I tried not to laugh, but a few giggles escaped. (Darn you, six-year-old body!)

"You will sit with me and learn proper etiquette," finished my mother. "It is time you behaved like a lady."

Mom, unfortunately, did know me. I pouted, scrunching my eyebrows together.

"And you will run with Fugaku during his practices." My father had to say something to regain his manly pride and authority, of course. "Since you are so eager to prove your worth, you might as well face the training that accompanies it."

I tried not to smile too much. I don't think either of my parents realized what they'd done.

* * *

Annoying people was an art.

An art I had long mastered.

"Megumi," she said, her voice as serene as a pond in spring, "please stay still. And don't pour the tea onto the table." But despite her calm demeanor, I could hear her chakra buzz and growl.

"Whatever!" I whined. I banged the spoon against the table and groaned loudly. "I don't wanna do this anymore."

"You can stop when you master the beginning of the tea ceremony."

We'd been sitting here for almost an hour now, and neither side was willing to give in. I was using all the troublesome skills I had, and my mother was using up all her patience. I could feel her sanity slowly wear away. But she was determined to make a lady out of me, and that meant teaching me the tea ceremony.

The ceremony itself wasn't too difficult, actually. I'd memorized the steps thirty minutes ago. But that didn't mean I'd actually use it.

Fugaku sighed to the left of me. He was filling out paperwork or something, and my racket wasn't helping. The scratch of pencil against paper abruptly halted.

"Megumi-chan," started my brother, sounding rather resigned, "if you learn the tea ceremony, I'll teach you how to walk on trees."

"Really?" I bounced in place, excited. Though using chakra-hearing was great, I really wanted to use my new-found powers for more interesting stuff.

"Really," he confirmed.

"Yeah!" I straightened into a perfect _seiza_ , putting my hands on my knees. After clearing my face of emotions, I smiled softly and ducked my head. To my mother's growing surprise, I cleaned the different utensils and warmed the tea bowl. I mumbled the steps to myself, taking care not to knock over anything—it was fairly challenging to do all this when you were blind. Though I fumbled with the ladle, I recovered and managed not to spill tea in my mother's lap. Slowly, I set the utensils back down.

A moment passed.

Then two.

"You... completed it," said my mother, breathy with shock. I, uh, might've played the 'annoying, stupid kid' a little too well.

"Awesome!" I bolted from my seat and slammed into my brother, hugging him tightly. "Let's go! Let's go!"

"Alright, alright." My brother extracted himself from my grip. "Let's go outside."

My mother didn't protest, still too stunned by my abrupt turn-around.

I grinned brightly and followed him to the garden. I was going to become _Spider-Uchiha._

* * *

Fugaku paced around the tree, his feet crunching against the dead leaves.

"Um…" he started, finally standing still. "Do you know how to channel chakra into your hands?"

I nodded and raised my hands. Carefully, I moved my chakra to my palms. (Channeling chakra sounded weird. No, really. I could hear the deep rumble of the Yang chakra and the high-pitched whine of the Yin. After mixing them in my stomach, the refined chakra made a different sound—a pleasant hum.)

Fugaku hesitated. "Good job, I think."

"You think?" I smirked at his uncertain tone.

His voice became defensive. "I'm not a Hyuuga! The Sharingan can only see chakra when it's outside the body."

I perked up. "Really?" I actually didn't know much about our magic eyeballs. No one bothered to tell me, probably because of the whole blindness thing.

"You don't know—" Fugaku stopped, coming to the same realization. "Um, never mind. So, all you have to do is channel chakra to your feet, make it sticky, and climb."

"What?" I gave him a deadpan look. "That's _so_ helpful."

"Well, it's not like I can show you or anything!" He immediately backtracked. "N-No, I don't mean it like that! I mean, because you can't see chakra, as in, it's hard to explain when you're used to doing…"

"Oh, shut up before you choke yourself." I snorted. "I don't care, Fugu-nii."

I approached the tree. The rough bark scraped against my baby-soft hands as I placed my palms to the trunk. A bug skittered over my fingers, but I ignored it, instead concentrating on the prickly sensation of chakra. The energy flowed to my hands and pushed against the tree. I increased the amount of chakra in gradual increments, and the pressure began to build.

Then it exploded.

"Ah _, fuck!"_ I yelled in English. "Fuck, fuck!" I said it again in ninja-Japanese, just for good measure.

"Megumi!" My brother sounded utterly scandalized. "Where did you learn those words?"

I brushed the pieces of plant matter off my face, ignoring him. Apparently, there was a limit to how much chakra you could shove into a tree. Right. I'd forgotten about that.

"So, just a little bit of pressure." I tilted my head and smiled.

"I should've thought this through," mumbled Fugaku. "The training grounds would've been better. Mother's going to kill me…"

"Why'd it explode?" I tried my hand (literally) at channeling chakra again. This time, I used a much smaller amount of chakra.

"Cause the tree's living." He sighed mournfully. "Unlike me, in a few minutes."

With single-minded determination, I mutilated the Maple tree until I had more or less understood the exercise. It only took me, like, an hour. Maybe two days. Fine, it was closer to a week. Still, I accomplished in the end.

"This is awesome!" Standing sideways, feet planted firmly to the bark, I waved at my brother.

"Megumi, wait—"

I promptly fell off the tree, screaming until Fugaku caught me. And maybe for a little while after that.

"Thanks!" I chirped, tightening my impromptu hug. "You're really the best, you know?"

Fugaku's face became warm, and he laughed sheepishly. "It's no problem at all, Megumi. Be careful, okay?"

"Yeah!" Hah, there was no way in hell I'd be careful with superpowers! What's the point of magic chakra if you're careful?

I paused, thinking about my recent mishaps. Perhaps I should reconsider my philosophy.

 _Note to self: learn to master waving and chakra-walking at the same time. Also, factor wall- and ceiling-walking into the babysiter escape plans._

 _On second thought, there's no need to change my philosophy._

* * *

After several thinly-veiled threats to behave, my parents sent me to the Hokage's place (escorted by a nervous Fugaku) for my playdate. I was ushered inside by a bored servant, shown to the courtyard, and was summarily left alone. (Seriously, Konoha needed to work on its childcare.) Judging from the servant's muttered apology, the old Sarutobi was late. Which was annoying. Sure, the man had a city to run, but did that really matter? I was clearly more important.

But since I had free time… I might as well work on my wall-climbing skills. With a grin, I began pacing on the wall of the Hokage's house. After a few minutes of me scuttling around, the Hokage's five-toned, obnoxious chakra approached. It grew louder, drowning out the peaceful sounds of nature.

"Megumi-chan," said the man, amused, "I see that you have learned a new technique."

"Yup!" I jumped down from the wall, reorienting myself as I landed shakily. "Hi, Sarutobi-oji-sama! My brother taught me."

"Idai?" he asked, patting my head.

"Nope! Fugaku-nii. Idai's spoken to me a grand total of maybe… ten words. Dad doesn't like Idai talking to me." I lowered my voice into an exaggerated whisper. "He thinks my amazingness might be contagious."

Well, it took me about ten seconds to break what I'd promised my father. I had no qualms about embarrassing him to the Hokage.

Sarutobi coughed. "Oh… I see."

"I don't." I gave him a blank look. Or tried to, at least.

His chakra grew softer as it contracted, almost sounding embarrassed. "I apologize, Megumi-chan."

I snorted. "Nah, I'm just pulling your leg! I'm not very sensitive about my blindness. I just find it funny to see everyone react." I bent down and flipped into a handstand—which was much easier to do with chakra, by the way.

He chuckled. "You're a very bright child. People underestimate you more than they should. You remind me of my student, in that regard."

I began to balance on one hand, flailing as I tried to keep from falling over. "Huh?"

Wait a minute… which one of his students was he comparing me to? Tsunade? Well, she was bad-ass, so I didn't really mind—

"His name is Jiraiya. He's quite talented, but people tend to overlook him because of his brash nature."

Oh, come on! I was not a pervert! Not yet, at least.

I righted myself and brushed the dirt off my hands. "Are you going to teach me any cool tricks or not?" I said, crossing my arms.

His chakra buzzed with mirth. "If you don't mind, first I'd like to test your sensing abilities. Then, I'll teach you a few… tricks."

I grinned. "Bring it on!"

The Hokage coughed, but I was pretty sure he was hiding a laugh.

"Right," said the Hokage, tone kind. "Why don't we start with your sensing range? In other words, how far you can sense someone." His robes rustled, and suddenly, I could hear _two_ five-toned signatures. However, neither was obnoxiously loud.

Either the Sarutobi had a long-lost twin brother, or he had just made a shadow clone. It was probably the former.

"You have a twin?" I exclaimed in exaggerated shock. I placed my hand over my hand and gasped.

He cleared his throat. "Er, no, Megumi-chan. It's a shadow clone."

I glared roughly in the direction of the shadow clone. "You can't fool me! My brother makes clones too, and his don't sound exactly like him!" Normal clones didn't deceive me for obvious reasons. I could still hear the chakra in them, but it was like listening to the echo of an echo. Shadow clones, however, sounded exactly like the real deal.

"No, no, it's just a clever trick—I mean, a jutsu…" he trailed off, obviously thinking of a way to explain it. After all, how do you explain shadow clones to a blind kid?

"Trick?" My attitude did a complete one-eighty, and I beamed at him. "You're gonna teach me this cool trick? I wanna know how to make a shadow clone!"

To my surprise, both Hokages started laughing. They continued for a good twenty seconds, their chakra resounding in time with their laughs.

"You're also a devious child, Megumi-chan."

I scowled. As expected, he saw right through me. Still, it had been worth a shot.

"Now," said the one on the left, "why don't we get started?"

One of the Sarutobis, for lack of better word, _vibrated_ for a second. I tilted my head, curious about the change.

"Ah, you noticed that."

I wrinkled my nose. "Yeah, but I don't know what I noticed."

The clone (or so I assumed) began moving away rapidly.

"It's a henge," explained the remaining Hokage. He paused. "That is, a visual illusion—"

I waved him off. "No, I understand. So, what do you want me to do?"

He made a contemplative sound. "Focus on my clone. Tell me when you can no longer sense him."

And so began a series of boring tests that pushed me to the limit. Apparently, my range when I concentrated was about three-hundred meters, which was three times more than the typical range. If I was tree-walking and sensing, my range went down to two-hundred. And when I was keeping track of multiple targets, it dropped to a hundred meters. My skills weren't exceptional, but they weren't anything to laugh at, either. Finally, the Hokage dispelled his clones, and his chakra went back to its original intensity.

"Very good, Megumi-chan!" he praised. "Now, let's try something different." His chakra began to grow softer. "Let me know when you can no longer hear me."

I listened as the Hokage's chakra dropped from metal-concert-on-steroids level to average-ninja-being. The volume continued to decrease, soon becoming the same magnitude as an ordinary kid, then a squirrel, and finally, so soft that a whisper would have drowned it out.

His chakra stayed like that for a moment.

"You can… still hear my chakra?"

His words startled me, and I sighed. "When I was paying attention, yeah. Not anymore. You distracted me!"

The Hokage stopped suppressing his chakra, and the returning noise almost deafened me.

"I apologize," he said slowly. "Well. That's very impressive."

"Thanks! I'm a very impressive person." I preened, toying with my long, unruly hair. (I did not inherit the nice Uchiha hair. I inherited the shitty Uchiha hair. And pretty much all the bad Uchiha genes. Damn it. Stupid Goddess.)

My honorary uncle hesitated for a moment. "Megumi-chan, we'll do one more test, alright? But if you're tired, we can stop early."

I put my hands on my hips. "I'm not tired!" I was pretty tired, but I wanted to learn a little more.

"I'm sure you're not." Impressively, the Hokage managed to say that with a straight voice. "Now, why don't we examine your elemental sensing…"

* * *

By the end of his tests, I was about ready to collapse. Man, all that sensing was pretty tiring. I swayed on my feet, feeling like a drunken toddler.

"I'm sorry, Megumi-chan. I think I may have pushed you a little too hard," said the Hokage, sounding regretful.

"No, 'm not tire," I slurred. "I'm not!"

"There, there." The Hokage then picked me up, and I was too tired to protest. Instead, I rested my cheek on his lush, luxurious, silk robes. Hell, my pillows weren't as nice as his robes! And believe me, the Uchiha were unhealthily obsessed with nice pillows.

"When I get big, I'm stealing your clothes," I mumbled to him. I sighed and relaxed against him. He held me securely, with the ease of a man who had cared for his own daughter. It was actually kind of pleasant.. "You're really nice, you know?"

He chuckled. "Why, thank you. You're also very nice."

I yawned in response. "I wish I had a dad like you. Thanks, Sarutobi-oji-sama."

His arms stiffened.

Score! Guilt trips and childish cuteness made for a great combination. It wasn't like I was lying, anyways. Sarutobi _would_ make a better dad than my father. Granted, a rock would also be a better dad than my father, but the point stood. I smiled to myself, letting my eyes close. I really did need a nap.

* * *

Believe it or not, the weekly playdates with the Hokage improved my standing in the Uchiha clan. My status had increased from scummy, useless, disgraceful worm to scummy, useless, disgraceful beetle. In my humble opinion, the vast majority of the Uchiha had no idea what the Hokage saw in me. But he'd obviously seen something, so now the Uchiha were determined to find out what that something was.

In other words, things got worse for me.

Instead of being ignored and disdained, I was _scrutinized_ and disdained.

I dealt with this by being more annoying than ever.

Case in point: my babysitter escapades. Now that I had chakra-climbing and sensing under my belt, I could screw with them in many different ways. Like climbing out the second-story window and escaping. Which I was doing now. (It wasn't my fault that he fell asleep!)

My end goal, of course, was escaping the Uchiha district. I tried dozens of times, and I was often very close, but I never succeeded… until today. Through my masterful plan, I managed to leave relatively undetected. It involved a lot of bruises, running into buildings, and ducking behind trashcans, but I soon found myself outside the walls—in a random field.

Crap. That was not where I wanted to be.

After a few moments of wandering around, helpless, I heard the chakra signatures of three unfamiliar people. I quickly climbed the closest tree and hid, doing my best to listen into their very loud conversation.

"Come on, Orochi! It's a great idea!"

"I'm not going to sneak into the hot springs."

"Jiraiya, I will punch your stupid face in! We _just_ came back from stupid mission in the Land of Hot Springs! What is wrong with you?"

"Hey, you can't have too many hot springs, right? Man, I wish they'd extended it again..."

Holy hell, the Sannin. Teenage Sannin. From what Nawaki had told me, the soon-to-be famous trio had been on a several month-long mission. Well, looks like they'd returned.

They continued to bicker until Tsunade lost her temper. The deep thrum of earth chakra suddenly spiked, and an enormous shatter caused the ground (and my tree) to shake. Almost simultaneously, water and fire chakra rang through the air as Orochimaru and Jiraiya joined the fight. I listened in fascination, marvelling at the beautiful cacophony. It was like chakra music, discordant but somehow harmonious.

Then my tree was set on fire.

I screamed and jumped off, thrashing my arms and legs as I fell through the air. My landing, thankfully, was soft. Very soft.

"Ha!" yelled the brash voice that I assumed was Jiraiya. "Tsunade, you got taken out by a kid!"

"How unfortunate," said Orochimaru, tone dry and drawling. "Do you need help standing, Tsunade?"

The body underneath me began shaking. Her furious chakra growled, making me cringe. I scrambled backwards and dusted myself off.

"What's a kid doing here, anyway?" snarled Tsunade.

"Hi!" I announced, taking that as my cue. "I'm Megumi! Nice to meet you!" I bowed to Tsunade and grinned. "Sorry for interrupting your spar!"

"It's fine, kid." Jiraiya laughed. "It's not really your fault!"

Tsunade exhaled loudly, as if the anger was draining out of her. "Yeah, the idiot's right, as much as I hate to admit it."

"No, no!" I protested. "I'm so sorry…" I fake sniffled, letting tears fill my eyes. "Tsunade-sama, you're just so cool… and I made you lose!"

Judging from the way their chakra grew louder, I'd convinced Tsunade and Jiraiya. Of course, then Orochimaru had to pipe up and ruin everything.

"Are you blind?" he said abruptly.

I froze.

"What the hell, Orochi! She's just a kid! So _what_ if she fell on—"

"That's not what I meant." Orochimaru cut into Jiraiya's rant, chakra hissing with irritation. "I think she's actually blind. As in, she can't see. Isn't that right?"

My shoulders slumped. "Yeah, you caught me. What gave it away?"

"You don't make eye contact."

"Wait, you're blind?" yelped Jiraiya.

"Keep up, Jiraiya." Tsunade stepped forward, cracking her knuckles. "We literally just went over this."

"I know that! I was just surprised! What's a blind girl—er, no offense—doing in the middle of the training grounds?"

Everyone went silent, waiting for my answer.

I decided to go with the truth. "Well… I didn't tell you my real name, did I? I'm Uchiha Megumi. And my family's super annoying, so I escaped!"

Silence again. This time, it was incredulous.

"No way!" Jiraiya shouted. "There's no way that you're an Uchiha! You're bubbly and not an asshole!"

"Language!" barked Tsunade. She paused. "He does have a point, though."

Orochimaru's chakra flickered. "Indeed. Furthermore, the girl is blind. Have you ever heard of a blind Uchiha?" He scoffed. "She's likely an orphan with delusions of grandeur. What a ridiculous story."

"Hey!" I pointed at my dress. "Can't you see the fan on my clothing? I'm supposed to be the blind one here!"

"It's black," deadpanned Orochimaru. "There _is_ no fan."

Dammit. I must have grabbed the one dress that didn't have a stupidly-large Uchiha crest on it. Of all the days to wear it…

"Let's take her to the orphanage. They'll know what to do!" Jiraiya continued to grind his heel into the dirt, making a noise that was getting on my nerves.

"N-No, wait!" I protested. "Take me to the Hokage! Or Nawaki-nii-sama!"

"What?" Tsunade's shout was louder than Jiraiya's. "How do you know my brother?"

"Idai, who's _my_ brother, is Nawaki's teammate. He knows who I am!"

Orochimaru's chakra surged with annoyance. " _Everyone_ knows who your brother is, Tsunade. You're both the First Hokage's grandchildren, remember? Or did that fact slip your pretty little mind?"

I cleared my throat before they could start arguing again. "If I'm lying, Nawaki would tell you guys. What's there to lose?"

* * *

And that's how I got a piggy-back ride from Jiraiya. It was an extreme ninja piggy-back ride, in which I clutched on to his fuzzy hair while he dashed through the trees. We arrived in Konoha proper after a few minutes, and Jiraiya decided to make a dramatic entrance by executing a flip before landing. (I did not fall. I almost died, but I did not fall, for once in my life.) Tsunade and Orochimaru followed on either side of us. Judging by the steady sound of their chakra, they did _not_ make a dramatic entrance.

My brother's team was eating in a tiny teriyaki stand. Nawaki's chakra jolted with excitement the second he saw us. To my delight, Shorai's chakra stuttered. She didn't forget what I did with that ramen. Good. And Idai's chakra didn't change, because he was Idai.

"Big sis! Orochi-nii! Jiraiya-nii!" Nawaki sounded ready to explode. "Megumi-chan, too! What're you all doing here?"

"Wait, so you _do_ know this girl?" Jiraiya almost fell over, which was bad. I was still clinging to his back.

"Nawaki-nii-sama!" I waved enthusiastically.

"She's an Uchiha?" said Tsunade, horrified. "She wasn't lying about that?"

"You bet!" I grinned.

"Are you the reason why the clan is in chaos?" Idai's chakra became softer than his voice, but both were underlined with embarrassment.

I ignored him, as usual. "Thanks for the ride!" I chirped to Jiraiya, sliding to the ground. "I'll handle it from here."

A new, tense voice broke into the conversation. "No, you will not."

I flinched, and then I took off in a sprint. Unfortunately, I was caught by Idai before I could make any real headway. Now dangling like a sack of potatoes, I could do nothing but laugh sheepishly.

"Hi, dad!" I said. "Did you miss me?"

* * *

 **AN:** Well. It's been a while. Sorry. The response for this fic was overwhelming and unexpected. I really appreciate every review, follow, and favorite. Thank you all!


	3. Psychopathic Ninja Also Have Friends

**Chapter Three: Psychopathic Ninja Also Have Friends**

* * *

My dad's chakra rumbled, poorly suppressed. Wait, my dad wasn't even _trying_ to control his chakra. It crackled and snarled, spreading like a dense cloud of miasma. I was pretty used to it… but I still couldn't hide my shudder. As Idai handed me over to my dad, I made sure to kick my older brother in the shin. Unfortunately, he didn't even flinch.

"Megumi." My father's tone was surprisingly soft. "Your antics have been tolerated in the past, as they have caused little harm to anyone but yourself. That is the case no longer."

Hey, was that _concern_ I heard? I concentrated, straining my ears as I listened to both his voice and chakra. It was! It seemed like he'd actually cared about my disappearance. Unfortunately, that didn't make up for his overall bad parenting.

"You have disgraced our clan," he hissed, continuing with his lecture. "Your absence has caused the Uchiha to become diminished in the eyes of the village. You have caused unnecessary concern for—"

I yawned. I'd heard this all before. "It wasn't my fault," I interrupted. "Shouldn't the blame fall on the babysitters? I'm just a kid! They're the ones who shirked their responsibility!"

"What does _shirked_ mean?" whispered Nawaki.

"It means 'to neglect or fail,'" Shorai mumbled back.

My father was quiet for several moments, but his chakra grew angrier and louder. Everyone seemed on edge—I couldn't even hear their breathing. Several of the others shrunk their chakra, bringing it down to a soft whine.

"Rest assured." His grip on my arm tightened. "Your minders have been punished accordingly. What remains is determining a suitable consequence for your behavior."

"I'm looking forward to it!" I said defiantly.

"We shall see." He adjusted his grip on me, carrying me like one would carry a piece of meat, and began walking away.

* * *

Fugaku was my saving grace, and he was also the reason I felt a little guilty. He was the first person to greet me after my father escorted me back to the compound—I could hear the spike of relief in his chakra from outside the gates. For the first time, Fugaku hugged me without prompting, holding me tightly against him. I hugged him back, wincing at the sudden pang of guilt. Oh, darn, my conscience. Right.

"I was really worried, you know," he said, voice trembling. "Don't ever do that again!"

"I promise not to worry you again, okay?" I patted him on the back. "And if I go missing again, I'll let you know, first."

He laughed shakily. "I guess that's the best I'll get."

"Don't worry, big bro." I pumped my fist. "I'm stronger than I look!"

Idai slinked by silently, the low hum of his chakra the only indication that he was ever here. Our father stood behind me, his disapproval growing heavier.

"Fugaku, return to base," he snapped. "I must deal with Megumi."

Fugaku didn't move.

"Now."

My brother's chakra shrunk, murmuring with… shame? Slowly, Fugaku walked away, the dull patter of his footsteps growing fainter. Aw, poor baby. There was no need to feel guilty! It was all _my_ fault, after all.

My father exhaled, and I could feel his hot breath against his cheek. His chakra boomed. I gulped.

 _Ah, hell._ _I might've taken it a little too far._

* * *

I no longer looked forward to my punishment. I was under house arrest, and instead of baby genin or civilians, my babysitters were chuunin and higher-ranking ninja. If I tried to leave the room, they knew. If I even _started_ to use chakra, they knew. It was incredibly annoying. I compensated by also being as annoying as possible, but not many of them reacted. (Sure, their chakra might've changed every so often, but that didn't really count. Verbal reactions were much better.)

Fugaku showed up as often as he could, but I had a feeling that good old dad had increased his workload. My brother always smuggled in a snack or toy, and he always filled me in on what happened that day. His small-talk was more like military briefings, Fugaku being the awkward duck he was, and I loved him more for it. I returned the favor by babbling about my attempts to annoy my minders.

The babysitters consisted of three types: ninja who were injured, ninja who were on the clan's shitlist for one reason or another, and ninja who were retired and bored. My favorite to annoy were the first two, since they tended to have a holier-than-thou attitude that was delightful to needle. How dare they be stuck babysitting the most worthless clan member!

The best minder, by far, was Kagami. He had a compound leg fracture, and he still had to take it easy. Unlike the other Uchiha, however, Kagami had a sense of humor. He was also willing to play games with me. Kagami had been the one to suggest it, actually. We mainly played memory games and chakra-sensing games, due to the obvious limitation of my blindness.

At least, that's what I'd thought, but then Kagami had to go and bring a board game with him. And not just any board game. He'd brought _Go_ , which had a ridiculous amount of rules and pieces.

"Come on, Megu-chan!" coaxed Kagami as I glared at him. Well, I _tried_ to glare at him; I was scowling in the direction his voice was coming from, but I didn't know if I was successful or not. "It's a fun game, and you're smart enough!"

"I'm _blind_ ," I ground out. "I can't see any of the pieces! I can't even see the board!"

"I know that you can sense chakra. Why don't you use that skill?" His deep, loud chakra rang steadily, as it always did. It had always been pleasant to hear, but now it just irritated me.

"Wood and stone don't have chakra. They're not alive!"

"Of course they have chakra," he said calmly. "Everything has ambient chakra, and since these game pieces are made from pure elements, they have more distinct chakra than the average object."

That made me pause. I'd known that elemental chakra was a thing, of course, but I hadn't taken it to the logical conclusion. _I guess that makes sense. When I listen really carefully, I can hear the chakra of trees and animals_. The manga had emphasized the danger of natural chakra, with the whole turning-to-stone thing, so I hadn't looked that much into it. Then, it hit me. _If I learn to hear the chakra of objects… less running into things!_

"Alright, I'll do it." I pressed my hands against my face, ignoring whatever Kagami had said in response. Methodically, I blocked out the sound of Kagami, the other Uchiha, and all the other background noises. I recalled the thrum of earth chakra, keeping it in mind as I strained my ears. Finally, I heard minuscule droning from the left—echoing the resonant sound associated with earth. I reached out and touched the stones.

"I did it!" I shouted, and the everyday sounds of chakra crashed back. "At least, I think I did." I groaned and rubbed my head, which now throbbed. "But there's no way I can listen to the stones and play at the same time."

"That's alright." Kagami's voice was tinged with clear amusement. "If you had listened to me before attempting it, you would have heard my explanation. There's no need to start with ambient sensing." His sleeve rustled, and his fingers tapped against his bowl of stones. His chakra spiked in volume, and then his bowl of stones began humming loudly.

"Channel your chakra into your stones," he instructed. "You'll be able to keep track of them that way. Feel the grooves on the board to determine where to place the stones."

I followed his directions sheepishly, wondering why I hadn't thought about that before. It'd be much easier to keep track of… well, everything, if I tagged it with my chakra.

"Who taught you about chakra?" asked Kagami as he set down the first piece.

I placed my stone with a clack on the board. "No one, at first. I figured it out. After that, Sarutobi-oji taught me." I still wasn't going to rat out my brother.

"Ah, yes. Your lessons with the Hokage." He put his stone next to mine, judging from the noise of its chakra. "Do you enjoy it?"

"I enjoyed it," I grumbled. Clack. I felt like I was in a different anime—what was this, _Hikaru no Go_? "But I've been under house arrest for the last three weeks, remember? I didn't get to go." _Heh. Puns_ _are the best._

Kagami was silent for a moment before placing his piece. "You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" he said, resigned.

"Nope." I put a stone on the corner of the board. "I'm just making a pattern that sounds good." I'd learned how to adjust the pitch of my chakra, so I was making chords with the pieces.

He put his stone next to mine, which added a seventh to my chord. Neat. "How would you like to go with me on a visit to my friend? We can get ice cream, afterwards."

I stopped halfway through putting my piece. "Huh? I'm under house arrest, remember? My dad won't let me leave this stupid place."

"Don't worry about Okojo." Kagami chuckled, and his chakra burbled with dark glee. "He owes me a few favors. And if that doesn't work, I always have blackmail material."

I gasped. "Come on, Kagami-oji! Share it with me!" Blackmail on my dad? Oh, hell yes, sign me up! I'd give up my eyes for that! (Not that it would make any difference.)

"It's not blackmail if everyone knows, Megu-chan." He tugged at my hair. "Are you ready to go?"

"I was born ready!" I exclaimed.

* * *

After a split-second trip through the rooftops, during which the wind nearly tore off my face, we arrived to the house of Kagami's friend. It was good to be outside and all, and I was grateful to Kagami for his mild rule-bending. I just hadn't expected Kagami's friend to be _Danzo_.

"Danzo, this is Uchiha Megumi. She's Okojo's kid, the one I've been talking about."

"I see." Danzo's voice was more normal than I was expecting. Instead of a demonic rattle or something that fit his personality, he spoke calmly and with a hint of a rasp. "The blind daughter of the main branch, is it?"

I snorted. "No, I'm the deaf one."

Kagami chuckled, but Danzo continued as if I hadn't said anything. "Hiruzen has told me about you, as well."

"All good things, I hope?" I preened, twisting my foot in a mockery of modesty.

"You are as irreverent as he said, if not more," said Danzo, neutral and unruffled.

As I always did, I stretched out my chakra ears when meeting a new person. Once again, I was surprised. His chakra was… _normal_. It chimed: dull, bland, and constant. It wasn't until I really focused that I heard the subtle tones beneath. _Two, no, three—wait, four?_ I could hear four elemental notes in his chakra, and it lacked only the whine of lightning. I inhaled, concentrating further, and two more tones became apparent. High and low. In other words, yin and yang. I'd gotten better and figuring out non-elemental sounds in people's chakra signatures.

"Child, what are you doing?" Danzo's voice took a sharper edge that made me draw back.

I pursed my lips, debating how much I should say. Kagami's presence sounded from the right of the room, but he said nothing.

"I'm listening to you," I said finally. "You know, you're kinda spooky. You have that plain voice and your chakra has an ordinary noise and everything else, but there's much more under it. You're hiding it on purpose? Even here, in the village?"

"How many elements does he have, Megumi?" For once, Kagami wasn't using that stupid nickname. "And what are they?

"Four," I replied immediately. "Earth, fire, water, and wind. Plus yin and yang."

The two men were quiet for a bit. "You weren't lying, Kagami." Danzo's sleeves rustled, and his chakra _unfurled_. The muffled tones swelled in intensity, and his presence was almost as loud as the Hokage's. Between Danzo and Kagami, I could hardly hear myself think.

A chair creaked.

"I'm getting myself a snack. Hey, Danzo, Megu-chan, you want anything?" said Kagami.

"I'm good." My voice squeaked, embarrassingly enough, resembling the chair.

"Oh, do help yourself to my pantry," muttered Danzo. "Thank you for asking permission."

"I'll take that as a no." The door shut, and I could no longer hear Kagami's familiar presence.

When Danzo spoke again, it was louder and closer than I was expecting. I flinched back. He must've stepped forward without me hearing. Which wasn't that surprising, considering he was a ninja and all, but it was pretty intimidating.

"I admit to not believing my teammate when he spoke of you." Though his chakra didn't get any decrease in volume, it did dull somewhat, slightly resembling how it had been before. "I should have known. Kagami never lies about his clan, and your reputation is known."

"That's nice," I said, fidgeting. "I like having a reputation. It makes me feel important. Most people like being important. It strokes the ego." Was I babbling a bit? Yeah, I was babbling.

"Do you want to be a ninja?" Danzo's question was blunt and unexpected, but my answer was no less prompt.

"Nope."

"Why not?" A hint of bemusement entered his voice. "Do you not want to serve the village? Prove that you are more than your blindness? Overcome your helplessness?" His tone became more steely with each question.

"Not really." I stretched, more to get the jitters out than to feign disinterest. "I mean, yeah, I want to overcome my helplessness, but I'd make a shit ninja. No offense," I added belatedly. "I'm fine being that annoying kid that everyone overlooks. My civvie-status and clan name means I get a stress-free life. Well, I get to stress others freely. It's the one advantage my blindness gives."

Silence. "You are not doing a very good job of being overlooked," said Danzo finally. "You are the daughter of the main branch of the Uchiha. Everyone knows that the Hokage has taken interest in you. The story of your sudden disappearance and reappearance with Hiruzen's team has already spread throughout the village."

"I don't mean like _that_." I tugged at my collar. "People know who I am, yeah, but they don't _expect_ anything from me. People think I'm stupid and helpless, and that all my acting out is just my way of coping with it." I couldn't help but giggle. "Just ask anyone from my clan—excluding Fugaku and Kagami—how they feel about me. I'm practically a pariah!" My giggle turned into a cackle.

"Is that so?" Was that… was that _amusement_ I heard in Danzo's voice? Considering that he hated the Uchiha enough to kill them all in the future, maybe he was sympathetic to my antics. It couldn't hurt my chances of survival if I became friendly with the eyeball-thieving psychopath. It wasn't like he was going to steal _my_ eyes. (The tiny, rational part of my brain pointed out that my logic was flawed as hell, but I ignored it. As usual.)

"Yeah! Say, you don't like the Uchiha, do you? Kagami-san aside."

Danzo's chakra wavered slightly, and I knew I had genuinely surprised him. "What makes you assume that?" he said, voice low and cold.

"People talk." I grinned, though internally my kidneys and other organs were bouncing with fear. "No one pays attention to the stupid blind girl. I've heard rumors of the Hokage's right-hand man, the feared Shimura Danzo. Who doesn't know about him? And most Uchiha grumble that he has it out for the clan." There were also rumors that he was the Hokage's head of ANBU, but I wasn't about to bring _that_ up. I'd stick to flattery; that couldn't hurt. After all, I still had some self-preservation. Sort of.

"And what is your opinion on the matter?" His chakra lost its blunt edge, and its sharp tones pressed against my head, threatening another headache.

I gave him a thumbs-up and beamed. "I think it's great! The Uchiha are a bunch of prissy little snobs with heads so far up their asses that they don't need the Sharingan to see what they ate for breakfast." I frowned. "Again, not including Kagami and Fugaku, . And theoretically a few others, but I don't get out much."

Speaking of the devil… the door creaked open, and Kagami entered. There must have been something about Danzo's expression, because the other Uchiha started laughing again.

"Danzo, what did she say?" he said, in between his laughs.

Danzo's chakra mellowed, somewhat. And by _mellow_ , I mean that it was no longer blaring with threats of my death. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Megumi-chan." His robes rustled. "As always, Kagami, please stop eating my food. The next time you run out of groceries and decide to visit, do bring along Megumi. Her conversations are rather… enlightening."

"Anytime, Danzo."

"Yup!" I chimed in. "It was nice to meet you, too!"

I waved as Kagami scooped me up. The realization didn't hit me until we were back at the compound, ice cream cone in hand.

Had I just agreed to become Danzo's informant?

* * *

After a month, my house-arrest had finally lifted, and I found myself with more freedom than before. There were my resumed playdates with the Hokage, the occasional trip for ice cream with Kagami, the weird borderline-interrogations with Danzo, and outings into the village proper with Fugaku.

It was nice, though unexpected. I knew that my father couldn't refuse the head of the village, but I didn't think that Kagami would continue to, you know, talk to me. He was more influential in the clan than I'd thought. Then again, he'd been the student of the freaking Second Hokage.

Sometime after the return of my freedom, I dragged Fugaku to a dango stand. I could smell it from across the street, but Fugaku had never let me go to it, claiming that it was in a bad part of town. (He'd gotten clingier after my escapade outside the Uchiha district. He watched me like a stawker-ish hawk whenever we went outside, and he spent nearly every free day he had with me. It was both cute and stifling.)

Sketchiness aside, the dango was delicious. I munched down on it, but my enjoyment of the food was dampened by Fugaku's anxiety. His chakra quavered, which almost never happened. I only saw him this shaken when he'd done something particularly bad.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, putting down my empty stick. Did Fugaku need some therapy-jutsu? Maybe a hug? _Dad probably_ _did something stupid again._

"I'm sorry, Megumi," he said softly. "I have failed you as an older brother."

I gawked. "What? No! You're an awesome brother! What makes you think that?" I grabbed his hand.

"I never defend you from Father." His voice ached with misery. "He always says these horrible things to you, and he punishes you unfairly… I'm a coward, Megumi."

"No, Fugu-nii. That's not true at all!" I interlocked his fingers in mine. "You do speak up! Besides, I don't expect you to defend me. That's not your job."

Immediately, I knew that I'd said the wrong thing. Shit. His chakra grew softer, and his arms shook. Shit, shit, _shit_.

"Idai always does it for me," Fugaku whispered. "Whenever Father takes his anger out on me, Idai always deflects his attention. He takes the blame for my mistakes. How can I be a good big brother if I can't do the same?"

I quenched the surge of burning anger I felt for our lovely dad, instead leaning over to hug my brother. I did my best to squeeze the sadness out of Fugaku, and the fact that he didn't protest—despite being in a dingy dango stand in broad daylight—spoke volumes about his guilt.

"Hey." I pressed my hands against his cheeks. "It's not your fault. I'm a brat, okay? If you took the blame for all my stupid shit, then you'd never be able to do anything else." My brother gave a choked laugh to that. "Dad's reactions are no one's fault but mine and his. Do you understand?"

He didn't say anything.

"Do you _understand?_ " I said again, squashing his cheeks.

"Yes." Fugaku's response was muffled, but I could hear his chakra lighten.

I was so concentrated on my brother that I didn't notice the three familiar chakra signatures that had approached.

"It's the weird Uchiha girl!" said a brash voice. "I haven't seen you in ages! I thought you were _dead_ after your dad got you."

"Jiraiya!" Tsunade scolded. "That's very rude!"

Orochimaru sighed, the decrepit stool groaning as he took his seat besides me. "Save your breath, Tsunade. He'll never learn."

"Oro, I'll have you know—"

Their banter was cut short by my brother. He stood, robes swishing as he bowed.

"I am in your debt," said Fugaku, voice and chakra ringing with sincerity. "Thank you for rescuing my sister."

My mouth dropped. Fugaku, bowing and apologizing to non-Uchiha? Since _when_?

"It wasn't really a rescue—" started Jiraiya, but he was cut short by Tsunade's fist smacking against his head.

"No problem." Tsunade's voice was kind and gentle, completely at odds with my mental image of her. "I'm sure you would have done the same."

"Thank you, regardless." Fugaku sat back down. "Perhaps I could pay for your sweets? It is not repayment, but—"

"Oi, brat!" Jiraiya yelled. "We're older than you! We're the ones who're doing the treating, here."

"Indeed." Orochimaru's chakra hummed with agreement.

"There's no need," said Tsunade, adding her voice. "But if you want, you can join us for a snack."

I perked up. More dango? Sign me up!

"Sure!" I said, before Fugaku could refuse.

He sighed, and I knew that he'd already given in. "We'd love to," Fugaku said grudgingly, but his trademark grumpiness didn't hide his fondness. Fugaku tried again to pay, but the future Sannin had covered the bill before my brother could even take out his wallet. We settled in, and I happily chewed on another stick.

"Your brother is Idai, right?" asked Tsunade. "Is he going on the mission tomorrow with Nawaki?"

Fugaku swallowed. "Yes. It's their third back-to-back mission outside the village," he grumbled. "They barely had time to rest today."

"I know what you mean." Tsunade banged her fist against the counter. "Today's Nawaki's birthday, too. I wanted to spend it with him, but his sensei dragged him away for extra training. I barely had time to give him a gift."

"And we're being deployed today, too," moaned Jiraiya.

"It's unfortunate." The plate clattered as Orochimaru pushed his dango away. "These power displays are running the active-duty ninja ragged."

The mood darkened, and everyone's chakra dropped in pitch. I'd heard from gossip that war was on the horizon, but I guess that the Second Shinobi War was closer than I'd thought. Hey, at least I wouldn't have to fight in it, and neither would Fugaku! His position in the Military Police meant that he was stuck inside Konoha.

"You know what?" Tsunade rummaged in her pouch, and steel clanked against a variety of other pouches. She withdrew something, and judging by the rustle of paper, it was probably… well, paper. "Could you give these to Nawaki and his team? I won't be able to see them off tomorrow."

Judging from Fugaku stunned silence, I guessed that it was something impressive.

"Tsunade, those are _important_ ," hissed Orochimaru. "We spent hours working on those medical seals!"

"We can make more," she said stubbornly. "The kids need it more than we do."

Orochimaru stood up and sighed again, loud and put-upon. "To remake the seals before our mission, we would need to start now."

"So much for a break." Jiraiya rocked back and forth on his creaky stool before joining him.

"You have a point," admitted Tsunade. To my surprise, she flicked my forehead. "Stay out of trouble, you two."

"Like that'll happen."Jiraiya chortled. "Anyway, we gotta go."

Fugaku was still stunned by the gift, so I answered for him. "Thanks! And enjoy your mission!"

"Yes, thank you!" yelled out Fugaku, Uchiha-decorum forgotten. For once, he sounded like a happy, normal kid. "Have a safe return!"

I snorted. Those three were going to be the _Sannin_. The Uchiha would change the clan colors to pink before anything happened to them. Still, I smiled and leaned against Fugaku.

"They're not so bad, huh?"

"She's great," Fugaku breathed out.

And that was the day that Fugaku developed his first crush. If I wasn't sure that Fugaku would be disowned for his choice, I'd have laughed my head off before announcing it to the entire village. I did snicker privately, though. It seemed like my influence was more corrupting than I thought.

* * *

The next day, it was my turn to be dragged around. Fugaku made me come to see off Idai's team. After exchanging cliche farewells and wishing a belated happy birthday to Nawaki, my brother handed out the medical seals.

"Tsunade-sama asked me to give one to each of you."

"Thanks!" exclaimed Nawaki.

Idai said nothing, but his chakra whirred with confusion.

"Tsunade asked _you_ to give it to us?" Shorai murmured, vocalizing her teammate's question. "I didn't realize that the Senju-Uchiha main families were that close." Her voice took a sardonic lilt towards the end.

Fugaku said nothing, but his chakra buzzed with… er, something. I raised an eyebrow. Embarrassment? Pride? Anger? A mix of them all?

"Hey, kid, are you blushing?" Nawaki pointed out loudly. "Why are you blushing? Wait, are you blushing because of my sister? Hey, how _do_ you know her?"

The two continued to interrogate my brother, but Fugaku refused to say anything. While that happened, I sidled up to Idai. Though I still didn't like him, my oldest brother _had_ stood up for Fugaku. And from what my adorable Fugu-nii had told me, Idai's support was more committed than I'd thought. I had already wished good luck to Nawaki and Shorai, so he was the last one.

"Try not to die," I muttered to him. "Fugaku will miss you if you do."

Idai was silent for several seconds, and I wondered if he hadn't heard me.

"Thank you." He patted my head, light and hesitant. "I appreciate it. I do."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get used to it, okay?" I stepped back, my Idai-feels-quota sufficiently expended for the month.

Their sensei arrived a few moments later, and Team Mitokado quickly departed. Fugaku watched them leave, while I just twitched in place, listening to their chakra fade away.

"I'm worried," said Fugaku suddenly.

"Don't be." I patted his back. "They have Mitokado Homura as their sensei, and he's the Hokage's advisor and one of the strongest ninja in the entire village. Besides, it's a simple C-rank. What could go wrong?"

As I later found out, the Second Shinobi War. That was what could go wrong. Fuck. The universe just loved proving me wrong, huh?

* * *

 **AN:** Thank you for your continued support, despite my sporadic updates. I am truly grateful.

On a separate note, I am looking for a beta for this story and others. Please PM me or leave a review if you're interested, and it would be great if you could also mention which stories you are interested in.

On an even more separate note, I now have a tumblr under the username "sage-thrasher." Don't ask me what I'm doing with it. I have absolutely no idea.

I don't know if I'll get any questions about this, but I'll clarify anyway. According to canon, Kagami should be dead at twenty-five. Unless I label a story as AU, I keep the pre-OC timeline as canon-compliant as possible—until the OC starts making changes, that is. Consider this Megumi's first change. She was born when Kagami was twenty-five, and Kagami stayed behind for the celebrations of her birth instead of going on the mission that killed him.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful winter.


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